Idea of parenting in our society

In our society the idea of parenting is very different from what parenting actually is. We think if we feed our kids, cloth them, take care of their physical needs, put them to schools, secure their future financially we are fulfilling our responsibility. But is that it?

Are we producing obedient, and talented generation? Are we getting the best outcomes?

This led to me explore what ‘parenting’ is.

I started thinking about these questions at a very young age. What makes some kids extraordinary? Why some kids are good and some are bad? Is it how people are born or is there something wrong with the system. What is the actual meaning of ‘Tarbiyyah’? I started exploring different styles of parenting and child rearing from many different societies, different eras and found the power parenting has. It helped me understand what Napoleon meant. How studies suggest that a child, when born can be raised into ‘anything’ if people around him, especially the mother learns how to work him/her.

Subjects like Psychology, Sociology, Anthropology and History, give us insight into human mind and help us to understand how individuals work in a society and how people have been living for many years. The more one understands human mind and the society s/he lives in, the better parent s/he can be.

The definition of parenting

Parenting or child rearing is defined as ‘The process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, financial, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the aspects of raising a child aside from the biological relationship.

“Children learn more from what you are than what you teach.” ― W.E.B. Du Bois.
‘Sometimes when I open my mouth my mother comes out’.

Learning Parenting

Realization of this responsibility

One must learn what does it mean to be a parent. An infant, not capable to do anything is given to you and you are responsible for it. Not only physical needs but also his emotional, social and intellectual development. From the moment that child enters into your life, all of your life decisions are going to revolve around him. The child is always going to come first. Once these priorities are set the next steps become easier.

What children see. Children do

We think that kids are ‘just kids’ they don’t understand whats going on but the fact is just the opposite. They might not understand all the things happening at that time but those images are stored in their memory and they can understand it after some time. Kids are just like a camera. When it’s on it will capture all the images that are within its scope. Researches suggest that kids learn best when they see something. When we tell them to be polite but we ourselves are harsh, we tell them always tell the truth but we lie in front of them, this not only damages the trust level but kids learn ‘dishonesty’. Their brains are processing all these images all the time and when the time comes they do exactly what they have been watching.

Take care of yourself first

You can’t pour from an empty cup so if one wants to become a good parent s/he must have to take care of himself first. Some people think that they will try to leave all those negative habits with the arrival of kids but the thing is, you can’t get rid of all those ingrained habits instantly. What you are right now, high chances are that your kids will become your spitting image one day. Even later if they decided to turn their lives around, they would face much difficulty getting rid of all those negative habits that could be avoided.

Must choose spouse carefully

When you choose your spouse know that s/he will not only be your better half but is also going to be the parent to your kid. Does s/he knows what parenting actually is and what does it entail? Would s/he be willing to go to all lengths to become the best parent for their kid? If s/he is unaware of these responsibilities, would s/he be willing to learn these things so the couple is on the same page? Must get these answers before making such huge decision of your life that’ll have a great impact your next generation.

Learn basic Psychology-know your child

Every child is different. All parents must learn the basics of child psychology. What are their child’s individual capacities? What is their child’s personality type? What is their dominant learning style? All of this will help parent to figure out which approach to take with the kids. Whenever we buy any new appliance, to know how it works you always go to the manual and follow the directions. Similarly, in case of a child, it is compulsory to find his/her ‘manual’ and figure out how s/he works. Unlike machines, each human being is different and they have their own customized manual. We need to figure out what their specific manual is and explore new solutions to parenting and educating them. Spending quality time with kids will not only help you understand your child but it will also improve your bond with your kid.

Here is the link to what activities you can do to spend time with kids.

Take charge of your kids’ education

Learn about the education system you send your kids off to and take charge of their tarbiyyah. Are they getting the best environment that nurtures them? Is the school polishing their talent and giving the confidence that foster their growth. Education must prepare kids for life giving them all the life skills that they need. Is the religious institute your kids are going to making your child a confident person or s/he is confused about the major concepts being taught there. It is the duty of a parent to explore what other possible solutions are there that exist around.

Peer group of Kids

Role of Peer group is vital in the life of a developing child.  Kids thrive when they make good friends. It helps a lot in their socialization. Kids learn social skills and individual differences. As a parent you have to make friends with like-minded people so your kids can be friends with the kids of those friends. This will avoid any kind of negative influence in them in the future and they will have a good company to share their lives and grow with them.

Parenting is a subject that need a lot of work and understanding of it. Here is one of the best blogs a parent must read.